Like
numerous Our Pros, certain stars, and especially Maria Menounos (oh how I
thought I would never have to misspell your name again) who have performed while
afflicted with various injuries, I too am more than prepared to put forth my
best work when I am less than 100%. Yes, right now as I write this, I am
battling a cold (and a broken heart), but as the consummate professional that I
am, you can expect nothing less than the best as I recap the finals of Dancing
with the Stars. Ha, who I am kidding! I'll be lucky to even make it to the end
of this post after mistaking a bottle of Advil PM for a bottle of the non-drowsy
version! Which is a feeling, I'm sure, shared by anyone who accidentally comes
across my blog! Even if they weren't sleepy from some nighttime medicine! Last
night's finale, pitting for the first time ever, three women stars, saw each
couple dance two dances, a "favorite dance" of theirs from this past season,
along with a "supersized" freestyle routine where anything goes. And went. So
here's the breakdown of the three remaining couples, in order of appearance
(with judge's scores in parentheses):
Kelly Monaco & Valentin Chmerkovskiy (29.5/29.5/59): For this couple's "favorite dance,Canada Goose Chateau Parka" they went with their big-red-curtain-flying-over-Val paso doble, which I guess is more note-worthy now for Val actually putting on a bolero jacket at the beginning of the dance, then his stripping down to his tighty-black'ys, as he did during last week's "Surfer Flamenco, "a "favorite dance" of every woman watching I'm sure. And just like all those disappointed women, I too was a little disappointed by this dance, and really all of the "favorite dances," just because it was a little "been there, done that." Plus, they completely messed up one move, which threw off the dance a bit. And to be honest, their freestyle was totally a "been there, done that" routine, a Dirty Dancing-inspired freestyle set to "(I've Had) The Time of My Life." Sure, the opening was pretty stellar, with Val on the violin, and Kelly doing some aerial fabric tricks like it was no big thang, but by dance's end, the routine was just a watered-down remake of the movie with the requisite lifting-you-up-in-the-air move.Men's HyBridge Jacket Whereas that move was expected, I actually loved that they added in the "upper arm finger graze" of the movie, an under-appreciated move that shows true chemistry when just the slightest touch (like a finger squeeze) can send electricity shooting through your body. The judges all basically agreed with me, that the dance was superb, but lacking originality, with Carrie Ann noting that the couple gave the crowd a happy ending. And who doesn't like a happy ending?
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani (30/30/60): Thankfully, I'm sick, so it's unlikely that I'll be getting too worked up when Melissa and Tony aren't hoisting the Mirror Ball Trophy tonight (though I would certainly accept a volunteer to nurse me back to full-strength), as they have been the consistently best couple throughout this All-Stars run. They are so much fun to watch, and I would say that they matched Shawn & Derek, trick-for-trick, throughout the season. Plus who doesn't love Tony?!? I mean if you don't think Tony is the greatest male Dancing pro dancer ever, I will fight you. That's no lie. And just think of the endorsement opportunities these two could have after being crowned Dancing with the Stars champions: "Some might say that it was our exuberance for dance, some might say that it was my rock-hard abs, and some might say that we were just so fun that not even asinine questions from Brooke Burke could bring us down. But the truth of the matter was that Crest White Strips propelled us to victory. And spray tans. Lots and lots of spray tans. I'm talking layers here." But even after turning all "8's" from their early season "favorite," a samba, into all "10's," I just don't think it'll give them enough "judge's scores combined with viewer votes" to finally give Tony a well-deserved victory. After bombing in the final's freestyle the first time they were paired up, a tepid hip hop freestyle, with even Melissa admitting that "it bombed," the two looked to a "high risk" contemporary dance that was truly beautiful, showcasing Melissa's incredible lines and Tony's super-human strength (my guess is that he just held that initial pose all the way through the commercial break and rehearsal package). Whereas Kelly & Val employed a gospel choir and the Dance Troupe (shudder) in their super-sized freestyle, Melissa & Tony kept the attention focused on themselves, having only a few Cirque du Soleil cube-stretcher-people suspended (most likely without harnesses) high above the dance floor. For me, a contemporary dance is the most sexual of dances, with even Len wanting to get it on, telling the couple he wish he could get an "11." As someone who is used to getting an "11" for his own style of contemporary dance, I can understand what a compliment that is.
Shawn Johnson & Derek Hough (27/30/57): After being scolded earlier in the season by all of the judges for their rule-breaking "Hey Pachuko" quickstep, the couple trotted it out there again, for more judge's scorn, and more crowd-pleasing trickery, leading to another standing "o" (which is always accepted when you're doing your best work). Of course, then all the judges told the couple that they would have to score the routine according to the OFFICIAL RULES of the show - no breaking hold, no lifts – and then giving them a "9" (Carrie Ann), "8.5" (Len, of course) and "9.5" (Bruno, of course) for the dance. "Rules? We don't need your stinking rules," said everyone other than me, who really wants to see the "Official Rulebook of Dancing with the Stars." Which I imagine is a gem-encrusted Trapper Keeper. Luckily for them, the rulebook was thrown out (leading to some possible dumpster diving by me) for the super-sized freestyle, where the couple super-sized their dance by incorporating the pint-sized Fierce Five (most annoying moniker of 2012, you decide (as I already have... and it is) into a routine full of lifts, flips and unbelievable dances moves, including one with Shawn falling face-first from standing on Derek's shoulders into a front somersault. I mean,Canada Goose Manitoba Jacket that's a position that even I wouldn't try! As good as the dance was, Kevin Kawa was not impressed (most annoying phrase of 2012, without a doubt), as Shawn & Derek got a little lost in the shuffle with so many gymnasts performing tricks around them, especially when compared to the stripped-down routine from Melissa & Tony (and I love me some stripped-down routines!).
It's pretty obvious that I'm Team Melissa & Tony,Canada Goose Trillium Parka sending them all three of my votes (and I always vote for the season's consistently best pair, this is no surprise),LIVESTRONG Cycling and I do see them battling Shawn & Derek out in the finals-finals, after Kelly & Val come up just short (no matter if Val still wants to blame the temperature in the ballroom or not). Melissa also picked up the final Best Dressed Award of the season, which, whenever you wear the bikini-and-bedsheet combo, you're apt to do. Worst Dressed was really difficult, as I could've given it to Brooke's giant bun, but I decided to just be nice and just not award it this week. Tonight's final-final promises one more dance by the three finalists (something about them not knowing the style of dance, or the music, so I'm guessing it's like a super-sized "Instant Dance") which they'll somehow find time for during the 2-hour Results Show. Hopefully the NyQuil takes effect early, because I'll be setting my alarm for 10:59pm! But good luck to the rest of you in staying awake!
Kelly Monaco & Valentin Chmerkovskiy (29.5/29.5/59): For this couple's "favorite dance,Canada Goose Chateau Parka" they went with their big-red-curtain-flying-over-Val paso doble, which I guess is more note-worthy now for Val actually putting on a bolero jacket at the beginning of the dance, then his stripping down to his tighty-black'ys, as he did during last week's "Surfer Flamenco, "a "favorite dance" of every woman watching I'm sure. And just like all those disappointed women, I too was a little disappointed by this dance, and really all of the "favorite dances," just because it was a little "been there, done that." Plus, they completely messed up one move, which threw off the dance a bit. And to be honest, their freestyle was totally a "been there, done that" routine, a Dirty Dancing-inspired freestyle set to "(I've Had) The Time of My Life." Sure, the opening was pretty stellar, with Val on the violin, and Kelly doing some aerial fabric tricks like it was no big thang, but by dance's end, the routine was just a watered-down remake of the movie with the requisite lifting-you-up-in-the-air move.Men's HyBridge Jacket Whereas that move was expected, I actually loved that they added in the "upper arm finger graze" of the movie, an under-appreciated move that shows true chemistry when just the slightest touch (like a finger squeeze) can send electricity shooting through your body. The judges all basically agreed with me, that the dance was superb, but lacking originality, with Carrie Ann noting that the couple gave the crowd a happy ending. And who doesn't like a happy ending?
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani (30/30/60): Thankfully, I'm sick, so it's unlikely that I'll be getting too worked up when Melissa and Tony aren't hoisting the Mirror Ball Trophy tonight (though I would certainly accept a volunteer to nurse me back to full-strength), as they have been the consistently best couple throughout this All-Stars run. They are so much fun to watch, and I would say that they matched Shawn & Derek, trick-for-trick, throughout the season. Plus who doesn't love Tony?!? I mean if you don't think Tony is the greatest male Dancing pro dancer ever, I will fight you. That's no lie. And just think of the endorsement opportunities these two could have after being crowned Dancing with the Stars champions: "Some might say that it was our exuberance for dance, some might say that it was my rock-hard abs, and some might say that we were just so fun that not even asinine questions from Brooke Burke could bring us down. But the truth of the matter was that Crest White Strips propelled us to victory. And spray tans. Lots and lots of spray tans. I'm talking layers here." But even after turning all "8's" from their early season "favorite," a samba, into all "10's," I just don't think it'll give them enough "judge's scores combined with viewer votes" to finally give Tony a well-deserved victory. After bombing in the final's freestyle the first time they were paired up, a tepid hip hop freestyle, with even Melissa admitting that "it bombed," the two looked to a "high risk" contemporary dance that was truly beautiful, showcasing Melissa's incredible lines and Tony's super-human strength (my guess is that he just held that initial pose all the way through the commercial break and rehearsal package). Whereas Kelly & Val employed a gospel choir and the Dance Troupe (shudder) in their super-sized freestyle, Melissa & Tony kept the attention focused on themselves, having only a few Cirque du Soleil cube-stretcher-people suspended (most likely without harnesses) high above the dance floor. For me, a contemporary dance is the most sexual of dances, with even Len wanting to get it on, telling the couple he wish he could get an "11." As someone who is used to getting an "11" for his own style of contemporary dance, I can understand what a compliment that is.
Shawn Johnson & Derek Hough (27/30/57): After being scolded earlier in the season by all of the judges for their rule-breaking "Hey Pachuko" quickstep, the couple trotted it out there again, for more judge's scorn, and more crowd-pleasing trickery, leading to another standing "o" (which is always accepted when you're doing your best work). Of course, then all the judges told the couple that they would have to score the routine according to the OFFICIAL RULES of the show - no breaking hold, no lifts – and then giving them a "9" (Carrie Ann), "8.5" (Len, of course) and "9.5" (Bruno, of course) for the dance. "Rules? We don't need your stinking rules," said everyone other than me, who really wants to see the "Official Rulebook of Dancing with the Stars." Which I imagine is a gem-encrusted Trapper Keeper. Luckily for them, the rulebook was thrown out (leading to some possible dumpster diving by me) for the super-sized freestyle, where the couple super-sized their dance by incorporating the pint-sized Fierce Five (most annoying moniker of 2012, you decide (as I already have... and it is) into a routine full of lifts, flips and unbelievable dances moves, including one with Shawn falling face-first from standing on Derek's shoulders into a front somersault. I mean,Canada Goose Manitoba Jacket that's a position that even I wouldn't try! As good as the dance was, Kevin Kawa was not impressed (most annoying phrase of 2012, without a doubt), as Shawn & Derek got a little lost in the shuffle with so many gymnasts performing tricks around them, especially when compared to the stripped-down routine from Melissa & Tony (and I love me some stripped-down routines!).
It's pretty obvious that I'm Team Melissa & Tony,Canada Goose Trillium Parka sending them all three of my votes (and I always vote for the season's consistently best pair, this is no surprise),LIVESTRONG Cycling and I do see them battling Shawn & Derek out in the finals-finals, after Kelly & Val come up just short (no matter if Val still wants to blame the temperature in the ballroom or not). Melissa also picked up the final Best Dressed Award of the season, which, whenever you wear the bikini-and-bedsheet combo, you're apt to do. Worst Dressed was really difficult, as I could've given it to Brooke's giant bun, but I decided to just be nice and just not award it this week. Tonight's final-final promises one more dance by the three finalists (something about them not knowing the style of dance, or the music, so I'm guessing it's like a super-sized "Instant Dance") which they'll somehow find time for during the 2-hour Results Show. Hopefully the NyQuil takes effect early, because I'll be setting my alarm for 10:59pm! But good luck to the rest of you in staying awake!
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